Not much of a post-up, it's just mere thoughts. "Pure thoughts"

Well, am feeling quite vexing & moody recently.
I supposed some of my close pals should know why.

Don't feel like sharing my thoughts for now, as I'm dun wish to dip myself into the pit again.

Kind of stress & drain away emotionally, but physically was stable though. -_-"

Perhaps, that's the route to maturity we've to face eventually in part of our life.
Speaking of it, yesterday I received a shocking news..it was bad as to what I seem.
(she smsed me early in the morning ... and I woke up to read, there goes my sleepy bugs...)
My friend's guy broke up with her. (it should be "nearly broke up" to be exact)...
I'm not too sure about the reason to the breakup, hence I logon to my facebook a/c to view her shoutout status.
There she state her feelings with lotsa comments by her friends whom shown their concern to her current state.

Got to know that her guy recently got hook up with a lady whom he known less than 2 weeks, he actually fall in love with her. My friend was devastated for she was with him for 5 yrs & yet he choose over a 2 weeks companion over her. [多讽刺呀!]

Unforgiving! Not to any woman out there can tolerate such a boyfriend.
Moreover, he was already my friend's fiance. (They got engaged in 14 February 2009)
Should it be for any reason or explanation to the fact he actually two-timed her in such a way, he was still talking about making conditions with her! (What a Asshole!)

Sad to know about this incident, didn't expect such a thing to happen to them.
Probably becux 10hrs ago they were still lovey dovey, the next moment...they ended up as haters.
Find it hard to accept though.

Sometimes, Fate is really unpredictable. If you were to go against it, what will happen??
Most of the time, we just follow or leave it to "Fate" to decide our lives.

[Can we really fight our way out to oppose "Fate"? ]
Come to think of it, I certainly am not prepare to try out now. Not that I've the Will to do so.
Unless, I've 99.9% of Confidence in myself that I can Change my Life & I can't hold on to my Fate.
I doubt anyone can do it..even if they have the confidence they might not be 99% sure to make it their way.

Though, we may say.."You never try, you never know you can Succeed..you hold ur own Fate."
But when it comes to action, it's still an Different situation.
Nevertheless, we shall never admit or Bow to our own "Fate" at times.

For now we understand, we can still do something & act on our behalf. (That's enough.)
Otherwise, we shall just keep our mind shut & live on to what is lay out infront of us.

By: Violice

Flare up!!

Super angry sia!

This has been d 3rd time that IDIOTIC fella called so late at night & dun let out a sound.
Trying to act MUTE? SPEECHLESS? SOUNDLESS?
Go become a MIME ACTOR / ACTRESS lahz to do so in theatres.

Stop wasting my time to wake me up & pick up the calls without sound when I hello-ed so many times. I'm sick of it!

D 1st time many mths back, dunno which mth / day (u lucky I nearly forgotten), u paused for 7mins...& hung up!!
Now, today u did it again...2nd time, 3rd time u still dare to hang up on me~
u CRAZY isit??!! TOO FULL CANNOT SLP ISIT!!!!
OR are u Pervert? Sicko? Bastard?
DARN IT - DAMN U !@*$%^&*@^#% (*damnation*)

How dare U!!!!!!
I swore, if u "ganina"(hokkien) DARE to make calls to me again...u shall GET IT from me real hardcore SCOLDINGS...I'll make SURE u will receive a bunch of BLOODY HELL WORDS into ur ears & locked it for the rest of the night in ur slp!!!!!

有种就不要用PRIVATE ID打来, scare to let pple see ur number isit!! DUN CALL!!!
你真她X的可恶，可悲，可恨!!!! 去你这“晚八蛋, 贱骨头”~~~

SUPER FED-UP!!!!! STRUCK WITH FURY ANGER!!

*Violice* - "furiously dangerous - dun dare me I warn"

Yep~ I'm in love with Rainy days!!

What a title to start with the day!!
Indeed I love rainy days like today, it has been raining since morning till now.
D weather is so cooling, that I'm falling in love with it.

I've been relaxing myself at home for the past few weeks (a mth to be exact), kinda bored too.

This morning, woke up at 10 plus, washed up..ate my breakfast (Buns: pink lotus red paste bun & chicken meat buns) and a cup of hot "Long Jin Green Tea" - (good-grade chinese green tea) to go along with on this rainy weather. It was Splendid, I must declare!!

After the meal, I logon to Facebook & came across this quotation which I liked & truly agree:
"The fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself" - Paulo Coelho

Does it sounds right, feels right to you? (giggling)

*Yawn* - Opps! I'm getting tired now.
Shall take a nap then, see u peeps (pals)~

*Violice* - "Byeee~~~ (flying kisses..*muacks*)"

Egg Tart wish

wanna buy egg tart from KFC today but it was all sold out.

sob sob sob.... longed to eat it.

Anyway, I intend to get it (egg tart) after I got better....

looking at Ah Xiu's gifts: "Bengawan Solo's Mooncakes" & "Yu Ren Sheng's Danggui + Pearl Extract Chicken Essence" makes me drool liao~ thanks dearie cousin!!

U come visit me already makes me happy, dun need to buy gifts!! LoL~ ^_^

Hmm, I gonna eat them tmr hehe. (emm, yummy...drooling) - "wipe my lips"

Hahahahaa...I really very 贪吃，馋嘴.

*Violice* ~ "waiting for makan-ing"

Ah Xiu~ (dearie cousin)

Today my dear cousin - Ah Xiu, paid me a visit after so long.
We had not seen each other for quite some time.
Though our only connection is through Facebook, via that virtual bridge.
Finally the meetup was an expected one. So happy to see her just now.

She knew my foot was injuried so she bought me Chicken Essence & a box of Mooncakes for my mum to wish her an advance Autumn Festival. (So sweet of her, but making her waste money was quite paisay).

Mum wanted to give her a treat so we ordered KFC Bargain Meal (3 pax) at $15.90, bill was $18.90 (inclu. of delivery charge - $3).

Too bad Ah Xiu dun take chicken meat but she loved whipped potato.
So me & mum have to eat 3pcs of chicken each..(i doesn't like to eat that much, i normally take 2pcs maximum)

We had a good chat, but time passes so quickly so had to bid goodbye to her soon.
Anyway, we promised to meetup after I recover for shopping spree. Hehe~
Kind of miss her already even though juz met..(muz faster get well soon sia..)

Alright, I goin to catch my show at channel 8 (LOVE - taiwanese drama).

*Violice* ~ on cloud nine

Taking nap~

Last nite, I turned in quite late at 3plus in the wee morning to be exact.

Then guess what, I woke up early at 7am.
Not because I had to be up that early...but because of my special body alarm signal~ "Stomachache"!!

I was totally shag out after doing such big business...no mood to continue my dream liaoz...
A big flip off to my sleepy mood.

So I logon MSN & Facebook super early today.

Now, I'm facing stiff neck problem & dark round circles around my puffy eyes were so damn visible.
Hate it!!
I drank much water last nite before going to bed, ended up I wasn't sleepy so couldn't get to sleep.

*YAWN* ~ feeling sleepy & tired sia

I gonna take a short nap, to revitalize my freshness look.

*I dun often take naps, it's not my style/habit to do so*....

*Violice* ~ catch a nap at nearly 5pm

"Irrecusable" - Navi

This song taken from "奇怪三兄弟 / Strange Brothers" OST.

Song title: "Irrecusable"
Singer: Navi



Enjoy listening ~ (juz in case u can't listen to it due to d interruption of my backgrd music, pls click here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p0IlLwOk1pQ)

In the show - 수상한 삼형제 / Susanghan Samhyungje [Suspicious 3 Brothers].
I like the 3rd brother character - Kim Yi Sang (youngest, police officer), whom was acted by Lee Jun Hyuk 李俊赫。He's only 26 this yr, but he looked really cool in the drama. Though the character as a policeman makes him seems rather rash, confident & despotic but still he was suave.
Especially when he's acting with the co-actress Oh Ji Eun 吴智恩 as Joo Eo Young (excutive director of a jewellery business), Jun Hyuk will always becomes despotic towards her.

Nevertheless, I still like the show because of this sweet couple.

*Violice* - hooked on Kdrama

Movies which I had missed out

Here are the movies which I wanted to watch but had had to miss it.

*Salt
*Phua Chu Kang
*Haunted Changi
*Despicable Me
*Liar Game
*Love In Disguise
*Au Revoir Taipei
*After Shock
*Curse Of the Deserted
*The Last Exorcism
*YoGi Bear
*Chronicles Of Narnia
*Cats & Dogs (Revenge of the Kitty)

14 movies altogether!
Haiz Haiz Haiz.....

*Violice* ~ "waiting for VCDs / DVDs to be out in the market"

Lizard

There was this day I came upon a lizard sticking itself outside my window pane.

It was then I took pictures of it~

It indeed looked gross! (YUCK)

I think the lizard's whole body is sticking tightly onto the glass to stable itself from falling.

From the pics above it's visibly vivid~

*Violice*~"eek"

Sprained it again~ (-_-)

Eek! I sprain my foot once again~

Last thursday, 19 Jul 2010...
I had a fall back home in my kitchen, the floor was slippery & I trip. The impact was harsh & caused my foot to re-sprain again!!

SOB! SOB! SOB!

Unfortunately, I went back to see the chinese sinseh I visited earlier..he was shocked to know about my fall.
Haiz, guess after this u'd be sure he'd say "u need a longer recovery time".
Sad, worse my right foot's condition worsen & I had a 风湿 experience on 22 Jul.

23 Jul 2010, I went to see the chinese sinseh again...

24 Jul 2010
This time, I had to make a decision. I've resigned my job as part-time retail sales assistant.
As I unable to go for work at the moment, need to rest at home to recover fully.

Anyway, I feel moody.

*Violice*~"arghz..."

I'm being Temperamental lately~

I've been going through low mood swings recently.
Being a little temperamental lately makes me feel rather moody.

I'd wish I can get well soon. Although my feet was recovering, but still there's chances I'd get sprain again. In fact, I sprained my right foot again today which affects my recovery process.
My left foot was getting better now, though still swells slightly but not in pain anymore.

Guess it was something to be glad about till now.

Anyway, shall update my blog until here.
Bye peeps~


*~Violice feeling moody~*

Worse scenario of my feet sprain journey

All of a sudden, I get into this shit.

"Feet being sprain..yet dunno under what circumstances, when did I sprained it...I dun remember at all!! I only know the last thing I realize, it had swollen up."

Yeah, kind of funny of me not knowing it at all.
Till now, if it wasn't for what the chinese sinseh reminded me of that I must have sprained it unknowingly with a "tat" sound. I had been thinking about it...yep...I finally had a slight vision on my mind a few weeks back I did heard a "Tat" sound when I was about to walk or get up from my seat at my workplace...(just like any other time, I'd often move my leg with a "tat" sound like pulling effect at my knee or ankle area) which I heck care cause I thought it must have been due to stretching of a strain muscle or tired feet.

Who would have known it to be the beginning of a Bad sprain of a strain ligament?!

Alas! It just happened like that.
The next thing I know, I'm facing these painful moments... (really sucks)

I hadn't a choice, I have to face it. (Pushing myself to walk to work on that Friday - 30 Jul 2010).
Wish I dun have to walk so much was just Impossible, given that kind of condition I can't walk properly.
I merely pulled my legs to walk slowly, and I stood the whole day at work (though sales was pretty good)..I went home at about 9 plus deciding it was time for me to rest after "hard work"...I was thinking to go to a chinese doctor to do acupuncture to my right foot which was even more swollen than ever, however the clinic accepts no customers after 9pm. With no drugs or painkillers to subside my "pain" & "swelling"... I had a night sleep.

The next day, 31 Jul 2010...was a day to remember my poor foot (solely right)...I woke up finding it to be very very swollen. It actually swell up to the its double size.
I can't stand properly let it be walking. I had to see a doctor. It shall be a chinese sinseh.
My mum drove me to Jurong West, to visit my family chinese sinseh.. (whenever I had a bad sprain I go to him) be it me or my dad. Upon reaching there, I had a tough time slowly moving towards the clinic.

Phew~ I can say, it's the hardest thing I ever done...(never thought walking was a big task to me but then it was). Now thinking aback, my forehead was wet with cold sweat.

While waiting for my turn to go into the room, I spent time seating & chatting with a patient who also injuried her foot when jogging. So I was being asked why my foot turned out this way...I smiled & shook my head (I'm unsure myself too).

She was puzzled by my response. I said, "well I dunno how it happened...I juz know now both my feet isn't going to feel good. Especially now I need to rely on my left foot to do most of the walking while my right foot is like limping or say being forced to move along. I got a feeling my left foot is going to fail me sooner or later".

I was very right, thanks to my own prediction. I entered the room right after the lady patient & the chinese sinseh spotted both my feet were swollen. He told me I need to rest and no more walking for me in order not to strain both my legs under the pressure of my "big-sized" body.

Sinseh told me this upon seeing me limp in: "Why dun ya wait till tomorrow, 1 Aug then come huh? Do you know today is the last day of July?" The next moment he flipped open the patient file with his hands sliding towards these records - - {July 2002, July 2003, July 2004....till today...). It was then, I finally catch the ball. "Ah, oh my gosh it was all over ...why have got to be on July?? I always sprain my foot (be it left or right) on the month of July & visits him during that particular month(s)." He laughed & shook his head & agreed with me that July is a 'suay (unlucky)' mth for me. "Anyway, I can't wait till tomorrow even if I can, my feet can't...help help..." I desperately pleaded.

So I had my acupuncture & the sinseh try to do slight exercise to my feet to circulate my blood as well. I was shouting or say screaming in pain throughout the whole "working" session. I'm not scared of needles or heat (heat machine) but I'm in great pain of the movement caused to my feet when the sinseh forced my foot to bend in & out, up & down. Woah...can imagine lorz...it has already brought me pain...so by forcing it to bent is already over the limit..how to endure!?

Well, after bandaging both feet with herbs, I take a look & let out a heave of sigh.
[POOR FEET]

1 August 2010
It's terrible!! I can't move freely...it affected my sleeping position.
I had a tough night turning & tossing about.
Didn't slept well the previous night, it definitely affects my mood of the day.
So I'm moody. All I could do is to lie on the comfy sofa & try to rest all day...
Can't walk or do anything. I had taken long unpaid leave(s) to rest at home till recover...

I felt bad towards my boss. Didn't expect this to happen which also has made her worried about my condition & her business whereas unable to get someone to take over me temporarily.

Somehow, things take a change. (No routine)
I find it difficult to make my way to restroom when in need to unleash my urgency.
Help was given to me by my mum to half carry me to living room, kitchen & toilet.
Ended up I depend on Umbrella, Walking Sticks & my dad's mobile-chair (desk-chair) to access myself from here to there in my house. [Sad]

Probably due to lack of walking also my feet gradually starts to "numb" feeling poor blood circulation. I couldn't do anything when the numbness combines the pain around the ligament area brought me pain-ness. (I was lying down unable to relieve any pain after I take chinese medicine, as it's not even consider painkiller).

2nd - 11th August 2010
Nothing much happened, except went to Polyclinic on 10 Aug (Tues) for the intention of doing X-Ray. I spent 5hrs there waiting & going for urine test. The doc told me since my feet no longer feeling sharp pain I can skip the X-ray process. I described that my right foot was feeling "pulling effect" on the toes whenever I walked or stand too much. I asked was it due to the side effect of the ligament sprain I had earlier? He replied no, the ligament is recovering so I won't feel pain now but for full recovery takes about 2mths for most individuals. As for the toes pulling experience must be due to a sprain I had previously before this injury so is old ailment which haven't recovered. As for my left foot (also old ailment), was examined to be recover with no pain...but must be careful not to strain it further as I had a soft bone crack injury in the past.

But the doc raised an question for me: "so are you having regular menses lately?" I shook my head. My mum was aware of it so she looked at me. The doc suggest I should go for a checkup at KK hospital. But I need to check urine test first to make sure I'm not pregnant, which my mum forbade to initially & affirmly said I'm still single & not having pregnancy. The doc smiled & told her this is for the hospital records not that he wouldn't want to believe in my mum's saying. (Doctor cannot juz based on my mum's sole believing to do things her way right?) was what he said to her.

So I went for it, of cux the outcome is expected lahz...(positive).
A referral letter was then issued to me for waiting of the date to go to KK Hospital.
I was also given a medical appointment for two weeks later to return if my foot is experiencing any pain to have it checked for x-ray. (so subsequently, I'd have to do a full body checkup which my mum suggested & doctor advised me with a brochure to look through the different schemes & rates). I paid S$15.90 for everything & collected my painkillers & medication balm for my foot to use and went home soon after.

People said "once bad things happened, good luck eventually arrives by ur side." - I believe.
I thought I had a change of luck initially, when I received call(s) from this company (Uni Strategic) notifying me to go for an interview on 10 Aug (tues) for the position of "Corporate Sales Executuve". Guess what, I changed the interview dates twice due to unable to make it.
Ended up I choose to reject the offer (interview) on 13 Aug (fri).

Although my feet is getting better, my parents actually forbid me to move about lest my feet gets injury again & that my current workplace allows me to take unpaid leave easily as I may need to prepare myself to undergo more medical appointments and body checkups during the later part of the month . Dad as usual pours me cold water, mum was super duber worried & threaten me...

Yeah! U can think what can I say...I'm acting like a Ninny and choose to hide under my tortoise shell.
I scolded in my heart - "Hate myself" - (3times)

I truly regretted. Even some of my friends agreed with my mum's thinking, after I told them while the others hoped I go for it even though I'm considering giving up.
I resorted to use "deciding paper game" to ask for FATE.
(using two pcs of papers, each written "Yes, go" , "No, give up" on it to throw on the table & choose one to pick up for an answer..TWICE..i gotten the "No, give up" paper...so I finally didn't appear for the interview & cancel the appointment 8 hrs beforehand)!

HAHAHAHA (what a joke is playing on me)....just when I'm finally decide to give myself a boost-up self-confidence to forsake my current comfort zone to move ahead....(i got into this mess)

SAD sia...I did two Tarot cards reading (both mandarin & english versions) & the answer chills me.
Both repeated same answer, I have to be patient. I'm ongoing the process of wanting to change my current situation for the good. Of cux, Chance arrives at doorstep..I've confidence & motivation to strive on..but there are setbacks & hurdles to pull me back. Whenever decision was made the outcome will still be expected of me lies a good future ahead. [sounds good]
But how good can it be when my decision was to reject an opportunity I wanted, I pondered.

13 August 2010
Just like any other days, today I thought I'd stay at home to rest / to rot.
I'll be resuming work on Sunday, will also be taking my Basic Theory lesson 2 & Practice lessons on that morning, since I've forgo it on 1 Aug.

But I really feel like catching a Movie or go relax myself singing K.

The End!

*Violice* - on recovering process~ "feeling slightly better at the moment"

I must be Brave & Strong

So much had happened~
So much more to say~
Too much to think~
Too easy to let off~

Yet, not easy to let go.

*Choose to ignore & pretend nothing has happen...
Isit right or not?
Am I doing it clear or not...
Ain't me...

Recently, my lifestyle has a dramatic change.
I injuried or say Sprained my "feet" both left & right ones... (right foot's ligament, left foot - old aliment).
It was like house-bounded in order to have a good rest. (I enjoy it somehow in the end).
I dislike the fact I'm "limping"...felt almost giving up "walking properly"....too stress.
I can feel how it was to be like to be in the shoes of a "limp" living on one leg or losing both.
Scares me too, but makes me stronger. (worse thing, I had swollen lips which subsides later)

Though many blessings, critic remarks was given by some others...it must have bring me heart-stricken messages. Yep!! I know.
From this incident, I've seen who are Devil who are Evil who are the Least slightest insignificant. I knew who treat me Truly, who Likes for who I am, who appreciates me (living me)...

I thought I heck care, but it wasn't true at all.
I thought I can be cool-headed, un-emotional yet ended up I'd care how much they think of me, showing care towards me...didn't they? No..they did not.
It brokes my heart to pieces...of cux not becux I dun know... but that until this very day I still harbours the thinest hope...yet they let me down. They killed it, stepped on it...destroy it.....
Till this day, I finally understand & have been very clear that no better understanding, no matter how much I hope ... will still happen...(the more u dun wish it to appear, it came)

From this matter of fact, I'd face it bravely, strongly.
From now on, I shall only care for those I think is worthwhile. (pep up)
Those unworthy fella(s), I shan't spend any more time & give a damn attention to it/them.


For all it matters, it does.
For those un-matters, it sways.

To myself, for myself I will now look upon only to Me, my own-self!
I shall only see myself, cares about only me, myself & show interest to the worthwhile ones.

(^.^) ~ *~ "Being fresh, I embark on my own life-journey, a new start, a clear state of mind"

No matter what, Life still goes on~ (departed)

不管怎样，人还是会看开。
人生照样走下去。。
心理依然会感到难过，伤心，悲痛。

Time proves the fact.

Upon knowing that Xi's grandma's departure was quite shocking.
She passed away just not long ago.
Just like what I've experienced 4mths back, devastating.

I can totally feel how it was like for Xi now..to go through this..
It was too sudden for her to accept & face the fact..

Xi, be strong. I know u can do it. Cry for all you want now.
After ur breakdown, you must stand up & continue to live ur life in full.

Life has ups & downs, been through so much should have make us stronger.
Nonetheless, we have grown alot yet we aren't immune or get used to it whilst experiencing umpteen time(s) already..

Friday, 24th July 2010 will be the 4th mth of my late cousin-in-law's demise.
I miss you 嫂嫂, I remember there was once I had this dream.

In my dream, you were smiling at me. I was with a medium, she had her body lent to you.
You were talking to me about many things, some of the conversation I couldn't remember.
Time was up..u need to leave. I can't bear to see u go, but I had to watch you run away..leaving me there standing & crying. I felt terrible, though it's a dream. I realize I cried when I woke up in leftover teardrops on my face & the side of my pillow was soaked.

I told this dream incident to my mum & also my cousin (jiejie).
Jiejie wanted me to let go don't keep thinking about it, what has happen had happened.
Nothing can be undone. Moreover, life has to go on...(with or without you, it can't be helped).
Mum was sad upon hearing my story (dream)... she thought u pass a dream to me.
But I kept emphasizing it was just my own dream-thoughts, just like 日有所思，夜有所梦。
I missed you too much till I wanted you to be in my dreams.

Should I let go of u, or have I let you go?
In life, there are always given choices to make to decide.
I find it difficult to make up my mind, or to set my mind to it.
Maybe that's an excuse.
Hence I've try to clear my thoughts for the moment & continue to be glad & appreciative.

Violice ~ "I'll find a way to live my life to the fullest." - I'm yet a worrywart.

Today

Well, not much of a topic on the heading.

Just dunno where to begin...

Recently, nothing much has happened...
(if resting at home watching kdrama is consider as something) that would be the only thing.

Kind of lazy lately, no motivation.
Sort of slacking & aloofing around~ (makes me a goof now)

Mom was nagging at me for not finding myself a Stable job & gets on with life in my comfort zone which I treat it as one.

Yea, indeed. I admitted. I was simply too into my current situation being immerses into the role of a "slacker".

Many friends shown me their "least concerns" to try to advise me to upgrade my job.
I nearly gave up myself to that (looking for new opportunities).

It was a vast society world, am I able to find a foothold somewhere?! (I'd qns myself)

Alas! Let it be.

Ah! Hungry~~ I had not have my breakfast yet.
Gosh~ Stomach growling hard...

Gotta get out of here to take my brunch first...
Bye folks~

*VIOLICE - out for brunch~* ^_^

Relaxation

Went to quite a few places yesterday (my offday - every Monday)~ Been to BBDC, IMM & Clementi.

Was wondering why "Time" isn't enough to get by.

Well, sometimes it's a problem on how to make use of "it" fully.

Hence, I'd care how I tend to waste "Time" again & again!

Hmm, weird of me to think over the issue of "TIME".

Anyway, back to the topic heading - [Relaxation].

I went to BB driving centre to register for my Basic Theory Lesson.

Then, realize I already had an open account with them.

However, it was opened 2yrs back & I need to renew every half a year (but i didn't do so), so it was left untouched.

Ended up, I had to "renew" & close the "expired" account in order to open a New account for this current Basic Theory Test.

Waste of $36+ to do so.

Luckily, I decide to re-take & go for theory lessons for both Basic & Final Theory(s) course.

So hopefully I can pass the test(s) in the end...

Will be going for the lessons with my friend (bert) & lady-boss (asthier).

Glad got the company of them, it would be too bored to do it alone.

Haaahaaaa... ^_^

I spent $150 on the new registration today, had done the booking too at the same time. 

Those were the Times

Never say Ever.

Those were the Times.
Bare it out from Heart.
We say forever deeply.
We spelt L.O.V.E.
Nodded our heads in agreement.
Took Vows ever-lastingly.

But ever-ness, did not come true.
It vanished just like that.
Once & for All...

Gone nowhere...unfound.

Can't be blamed....not that you ever wanted it to happen..it juz happened.
No one to take the blame, it's fate people said.

Gone with the wind, to where u'd be..
If u were over "there", where will it be?

Be loved, Be cherished.
By HIM..& Him...& Us!!!

U never broke ur promise or ur vows, cux u never meant it to happen at all.
All of us understand, under circumstances like these.

Don't feel bad, to leave.
We will always miss u.
Always~

Author: Violice Neo

Bare it all

It's her 2nd mth anniversary...
Can't help but watever things or route associated with her makes me feel so sad.

I walked the route she used to take last night, I realized it was the same route I'd be walking many times, many days, many years...but this time round I felt my footsteps becoming heavier, my breath getting heavier...my tears start to stream out.

My mind was filled with her images, the more I dig out my memories I will sob badly.
My heart ached so much, I missed her so badly.

Why things become this way? So suddenly, unprepared.
Even till now, I can pretend to avoid unthinking, but I can never avoid the way of Acceptance.

So much more to say, yet left unspoken.
So much things to do, yet unable to put hands on.
So many hopes unable to fulfill.
So many wishes not yet send out.
Undone lists~a thousand entries.

How...When....Why.....

Those are the questions, thrown backwards.
So sad. So un-just.
It's never enough to say contented with Life.

How many times do we asked ourselves are we content with what we had?
I do think twice in a day, 17 times in a week the same question...
I still don't feel content for less or for more.
I feel everyone of us should be feeling content of ourselves for being alive.

Sad to realize this much now.


Author: kViolice Neok

Nothin much ~ jus wanna eat Bak Kut Teh~ 咯

I'm Lovin' It~

Yum Yum Yum...

I'm thinking of Bak Kut Teh at the very moment.

It always have been our routine every Sunday morning having "Pork Bone Soup"..which we called it Bak Kut Teh in Teochew / Hokkien I supposed.

Anyway, it's 1.50am in the wee morning. I'm not sleeping yet tired.
Whenever it's night-time I would think of Jurong East Entertainment Centre & my late cousin-in-law.

Yea, u may ask..why was it linked up together for both different issue.

Becux JE Entertainment Ctr contained lots of memories of me during my school days.
It also brought back memories of my cousin-in-law when we were shopping 2yrs back at there. Where we had our movies & makan-ing session together in a grp.

Yea...all these was a Past.
U may agree all u can.

"Sao Sao..I reali missed u so much! I remembered the times when we photoedited the pics of "Xuan" together till late night"

I shall never forget those days. We chatted with "Gor Gor" at night in your room when "xuan" was asleep. We talked about anything, almost whatever can be our topic of the day.
I missed seeing you rocking "xuan" to slp everytime, ended up U slept first while she's still awake. Haha. U'd always growl or go grumbling like "baby, 你不睡。妈妈都要睡着咯!"
Yep, those were the days. Never be the same again.

I know none of us can really let go of ur shadows.
We always feel ur presence like u've never left though.

I really missed u alot, so much so much..do u know?!
I felt so sad...

Author: Violice Neo
(If only I could turn back Time, if only I could turn the clock..if only I could)

I'm becoming weird

Weird. (That's me)
I felt this way.

I dunno how to describe why I'm feeling like this, but its just a thought that pops up my mind.
I was writing an e-mail to a long-time friend, she said the voice was not like my own.
She meant that the way my words were interpreted was different from my own.

How differently? I dun understand.

She gave me another example: "when a group of people is writing a paper, they have to use the same voices (語氣) to ensure the consistency of their paper."

Oh, so. I still dun really get it.
As I dun understand what she meant highlighting my letter was not like my own was consider good or bad, due to the way of interpretation on my words.

But instead of asking too much, I told her I got it & tried to reason out with her.
I gave many reasons. But I dunno why I need to give so much reason.
Maybe I scared to know she said I've changed cold towards her.

I gave too many excuses about the consistency of a letter till we were going around the topic of "Consistency".

She was annoyed I supposed upon seeing what I've wrote.
I was vexed upon seeing her comment.
It wasn't something too good nor too bad.

Weird I'd become. What had happened to me? Getting worked up over a issue like this.
I'm unsure.

Author: Violice

A Depressing Deep Blow

24 March 2010, (Wed)
11.14pm

This morning, mum received a shocking news from my uncle. He told her my Cousin-in-Law no longer around, disappeared. My mum questioned him what do he meant by disappeared - "gone"?? My uncle replied "Yes, gone". My mum was hanging out clothes to dry during the conversation, she was confused even more when heard my uncle's reply. So she started to raise her voice, "what? where she gone to? what are you trying to say?" This time my uncle answered "She gone to the place you know where..." My mum was shocked & found it unbelievable so she started to panic & hang up my uncle's call stating that my uncle made a joke out of her.
My mum then, called my 2nd cousin to verify the news. However my 2nd cousin doesn't knew about it in the beginning, then she got to confirm the news again from my uncle that my cousin-in-law was really gone. Right then, my 1st cousin also got to know the sad news from his father who was my uncle. As for my mum she confirmed the truth from my 1st cousin & 2nd cousin at the same time. My 1st cousin rushed home immediately upon hearing the breaking facts.
I woke up startled when I heard my mum over her conversation with my relatives, informing them about the depressing news. My mum said her legs felt wobbly thereafter. I broke into tears & sat on the sofa. My mind's whirling & I felt dizzy as I couldn't digest the news. I don't believe it in my heart but my mind clearly reminded me that's the truth. I must learn to accept whether or not. My mind's in a blank after crying. I knew I had to follow my mum to my uncle's house to verify the whole thing myself.

My mum was trying to hope for that all these were just a prank hopefully, we know it's called self-deceiving. But how are we coping the news in such an early morning. It was too much to bear even if it's for anyone else. I was scared, I wouldn't want to see a cold body..I was predicting if she's still alive & smiling at us when we arrive at my uncle's place as she always did.
My mum reached my uncle's house first while I was next after her arrival. My mum didn't went into my cousin-in-law's room I thought as I saw her crying on the sofa. She probably might only have a view while my auntie opened the door for her, so she only saw my cousin-in-law lying on bed from her doorway view. I was eager to see my cousin-in-law, but no one came out of the room. I was at my uncle's living room upon arrival. My auntie & mum were sobbing while my little cousin-niece was playing by herself, once in a while happily climbing onto my auntie's thighs to hug. She was only 2yrs+ going to be 3yrs old this year.
I felt a tinge of sadness within me, once again I cried. This time, I really cried along with the rest of them - my mum, my auntie, my little cousin-niece (as she saw us crying she followed).
She was too young to know what happened & why we were sobbing. I realize I didn't have the courage to step up & walked towards my cousin-in-law's room as I used to do so. I'm sad.

A few minutes passed by, there's someone knocking on the main door. My auntie stood up & opened the door and there was my cousin-in-law's boss. He was informed by my cousin that his wife passed away in the morning. By the way, my cousin & my uncle went to a nearby police station to report the death of a close one at that time. The Boss, then went to my cousin-in-law's room as my auntie led the way. He turned the doorknob & saw a lifeless body lying on the bed, he cried loudly & he took a few steps ahead to go near my cousin-in-law to shake her body. He shook as he shouted her name a few times..for he knew there won't be any response from her, he stopped. My mum & I saw the scene & broke into tears again.

I stand by the doorway, my eyes becomes watery once again. I cried silently, tears flowed non-stop no matter how much I tried to control. I made my steps towards my cousin-in-law lifeless body, there she was lying so still. She seemed to have fallen into a deep long sleep to me, the sunlight rays shone over her body just like the morning sun has just greeted her dear warmly. A tinge of sadness followed by heartbrokeness filled me up, my face was wet again. Unable to relate any words out of my mouth, I kept silently still beside her bending over her bed to watch her facial expression. It was devastating.

She wore a white t-shirt & a half transparent pink long pants to sleep the other night which made her undergarments visible. Slowly, my 2nd cousin arrived at the house. She stepped into the room & sobbed loudly, grabbing my cousin-in-law by her shoulders while mourning by her name. I tried to console by calming her shaky body down, realizing it was too hard for all of us to cool down we left the room sadly. My 2nd cousin then covered the blanket over my cousin-in-law's legs. Somehow, I managed to pull up her blanket to cover her exposed lower bottom body.

At that very moment I took another look at my cousin-in-law again, I missed her so much. Never in my life I felt so heartbroken, though I once did when my dear grandpa passed away 15 years ago. I really hoped all these was only a bad dream & I can make it go away once I woke up.
Kind of self-deceiving I know, but how can I accept the fact. I tried to digest the news quickly but unable to accept the truth easily. I controlled myself from becoming a crybaby, I used all my might & determination to stop myself from the overflowing of tears. I clean my face till it dry up. Being clear-minded, half strongwill, I withhold my emotions strongly. I have to do it, I can't cry infront of my 1st cousin. He will be even sadder then, he had suffered much already from the loss of his dear wife all of a sudden. He was the last person to have talked & saw my cousin-in-law before her death. He slept with her day by day, side by side. He smiled at her, talked to her alot, but now he can only watched her body without a soul in her. A dear wife, lovely mate, great mother, good daughter-in-law was gone! Everyone were distress, all of us missed & mourned over her dismiss. "She's gone, but never left us." - that's my final conclusion, my perspective.


8th April 2010 (Thurs)
1:57am

A 5 days wake ended on the 28th March 2010, we sadly sent her off to another world. Though we never did cried for the past few days & tried to get over it, but on the 2nd last night we no longer can withstand. We cried & shouted to her while burning her belongings & incense papers to her. So much words wanted to tell her, so much things I wanna do with her. I can no longer do it. I used all my strength & for the last time shouted her name & asking her to come & get her belongings & money to the netherworld. On the last day of the wake, all of us were exhausted, heartbroken..we have to sent her last journey. That was all we could do for her, my eyes were swollen & looked blu-black as I didn't rest well for the past few days. Many nights went by like time can fly. It was the last day we saw her body being cremated..I have to control my tears just like the other days. Harder than expected but I somehow did it, I still will feel my tears in my eyes. For a moment, I really thought I'm cold-blooded. But it was untrue, I wasn't at all without feelings. I can feel my tears flowing inside me, on the exterior I looked okay & cool..but only I knew myself how (sadly)心酸 I'm going through all the time. I must learn to let go, move on with my life. Only then I can finally feel slightly better, able to sleep in those sleepless nights. Sometimes self-deceiving can be nice.

I started to count & take note of the days passed, as I start asking myself aimlessly. Why Time passed so quick? Why the past seems like only happened yesterday so vividly in my mind?

I'm very very sad, heartache.....

I'm always thinking, since I felt this way...how about the feelings of my cousins, auntie, uncle? "Terribly hurts" was the words to describe.

How to stop thinking about my cousin-in-law & continue with our lives? I can feel her presence even till now, like she never did left. She still remains in my memories, her shadows are among us. Whenever I looked out of my window, I can see the building where she worked, the street where she always walked by, her home where we always go to and most of all the void-deck where we'd be sitting around a round table & chairs to chit-chat for hours.

All these are unavoidable places where we always will pass by. Gosh! The thought of it makes my tears appear again. Sometimes, I'd thought of her when I'm on bus or train, looking out of the window I'd think of her time after time again till I cried & felt tired after so.

I was pondering, wondering, reminiscing our memories we'd had spent together as a family/relatives. I missed those happy times though it was somehow short-span (短暂).

Many of us (relatives), were feeling sorry (惋惜) about cousin-in-law's sudden departure. It was Fated (so-called her "life") that what has had happened. However, I'd not agree with their sayings. I understand by thinking in such a way may result that "IT" cannot be changed/reverse. Time still keeps going on, nothing can stop. Even death also can't be prevented if it meant to be Fatefully Fate. Who wants this to be a Fated life if Life is known to be control by ourselves? Don't people says: "Fate/Life is controlled by our own hands"?!

Why has it to be like this? Is sleeping death consider a good way to leave the world like that? Was it something "good" out of all "bad"?? Some people does commented like this. People do say "DEATH is not so bad after all, as you can leave your shell behind & free your soul"...how sad!!!

I dun wanna believe in death can bring real happiness. I'd know the concept & meaning of it.

It was Tough to be strong. Difficult to be forgetting. Hard to be in control.

To my dearest Cousin-In-Law,

"Time wasn't an Issue once, but it was my Problem to Trouble since."

Author, little cousin ~*~Violice Neo~*~

泡沫之夏 / Summer's Desire

23 March 2010, (Tues)
5.50pm

《泡沫之夏》

Genre: Trilogy Novel, Comic, Romance Drama
Penned by: 明晓溪 [中国]

Characters: 尹夏沫，洛熙， 歐辰（少爷）

Casted: 徐熙媛(大S), 黃曉明, 何潤東

Author: ~*~Vioice~*~

《一起来看流星雨》

23 March 2010, (Tues)
5.25pm

这是中国版的“流星雨”戏称《一起来看流星雨》。

看过此剧的朋友们都知道它与台湾；日本；和韩国版本的《流星花园》的呈现方式有些不同，但故事大纲却是相同的。

《一起来看流星雨》里的主人翁都是我们所熟悉的人物 - " 楚雨寻" (杉菜），"慕容云海" （道明诗）。他们那惊天动地，天地见证般的浓烈爱情故事震撼了无数的影迷关注着。

我在看过了这部剧，心理有很多感触。为此，我写了一首诗。请注意我在“字”下面划线的字体, 我刻意强调了主角与配角们的名字。看过该剧的朋友们一定认得。

《流星雨》

在那辽阔云海中看到云朵

在雨中寻觅那楚楚的身影

那无畏无私的爱感动了天

遵守诺言一起来看流星雨

Author: *~*Vioice*~*

Welcome to my World of Trivialism

Date: 18 March 2010, (Thurs)
Time: 10.11pm

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My new posts will be shown in this existing blog.
Thank you for browsing & leaving your lovely footsteps at my blogspot.

I've created 3 blogs, you may like to show me some support by linking my "blog url links" to your own blogs:
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[Spiritual Wings]

http://vio-life.blogspot.com/
[*ViOiCe* ღ(｡^.^｡)ღ 「私の琐事」]

http://dreamin-of-reality.blogspot.com/
[*Dream* for the sake of "Reality"~]


[Dream for the sake of Reality] - was created to express my own interests of novel-writing in both (mandarin & english form).

By showing your support, you can leave me some comments at the end of each post.
There's a chatting box "*~*Firework_Mania*~*" area at the end of the page.
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Author:lViolicej